10 Facts About John Scalzi

     1.   Scalzi is really a clockwork automaton who has been programmed to slowly spread angst wherever he goes.

     2.   As we all know Wheaton is the Bizarro Scalzi.  If Scalzi ever shook hands with Wil Wheaton the world would end.  It would be like matter and antimatter smashing together.

     3.   Scalzi has written 5 of the biggest blockbuster movies of the last decade.  He chooses to do it under a pen name to avoid getting e-mails from people trying to get him to read their scripts.

     4.   While George R.R. Martin is not your bitch, Scalzi freely admits he is.  Be sure to send a note when you need your laundry to be done and the gutters need to be cleaned out.  His rates are very reasonable.
    
     5.   Scalzi once created a flow chart on who could and couldn't be a dick on Whatever.  Really he did! He did this as there were too many half-witted-Scalzi clones trolling about. They were left over from his failed experiments of cloning himself in order to spend more time taping bacon to cats and playing video games.

     6.   Scalzi's internet sensation of taping bacon to a cat would truly be out done if he released photos of his bacon tuxedo.

     7.   Scalzi has a sentient wart in his armpit that helps him instill terror wherever he goes.  It is also very good at charades.

     8.   Scalzi controls the internet.

     9.   Scalzi's real "Big Idea" is to co-opt all readers attention.

    10.  If there were no Coke Zero or Bacon Scalzi would waste away to nothing.

I came up with a few of these awhile back, but thanks must go to Jim C. Hines's post of 20 Neil Gaiman Facts as it did inspire me to no small degree.


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